Supporting Loved Ones When They Are In Low Spirits or Feeling Down: A Guide for Friends and Family.
When a loved one is in low spirits or feeling down, it can be a sign of anxiety or depression, which can be deeply distressing and leave you feeling helpless. In India, where mental health awareness is still in its infancy, offering support can be particularly challenging and nuanced. This guide aims to provide a culturally sensitive and informed approach to helping your friends and family navigate these complex emotional challenges with understanding and compassion.
Understanding the Context:
Mental health challenges in India are often stigmatized, resulting in a significant reluctance among individuals to seek appropriate help and support. Traditional beliefs, combined with a widespread lack of awareness about mental health issues, and the pervasive fear of judgment from others can effectively deter individuals from acknowledging their struggles. In this context, family and friends play a vital role in our society, as their understanding and support are crucial for fostering an individual’s well-being and encouraging them to pursue necessary treatment.
Do's:
Educate yourself: Research anxiety and depression, keeping in mind the specific cultural nuances. Look for resources in your local language if possible. Understand that symptoms might manifest differently – for example, somatic complaints (physical symptoms) might be more common than openly expressing sadness. An example might be a person who, instead of talking about feeling sad or depressed, frequently complains about headaches or stomachaches. These physical symptoms serve as a substitute way to express underlying emotional distress. For instance, a teenager upset about a breakup may frequently report stomach pains rather than openly discussing their feelings of sadness with their parents.
Listen actively and empathetically: Create a safe, non-judgmental space. In India, respecting hierarchy and showing deference to elders is important. Listen patiently, acknowledging their experiences without interrupting. Use phrases like, "I can see you're going through a lot," or "I'm here for you, whatever you need." You might also say, "It's okay to feel this way, I'm here to listen," or "Take your time, there's no rush." Another comforting phrase could be, "You're not alone in this, I'm just a call away," or "Your feelings are valid, and I'm willing to help in any way I can."
Validate their feelings: Acknowledge their emotions without dismissing them as "just stress" or "weakness." Avoid comparing their struggles to yours or others, even within the family. Instead of saying "Cheer up!" try "It's understandable that you feel this way. These feelings are valid." Additionally, you could express empathy by saying, "I'm here for you, and I'm willing to listen whenever you need to talk." You might also say, "It's okay to take your time to process these emotions. Everyone deals with things differently, and that's perfectly fine." "Remember, it's okay to not be okay sometimes. You're not alone in this, and I'm here to support you." Another comforting phrase could be, "Your feelings are important, and it's natural to feel this way given what you're experiencing."
Offer practical help: Assisting with daily chores, especially if they are overwhelmed, can be incredibly helpful. Consider the family structure – offering help to the primary caregiver might be the most effective way to support the individual. Offer to accompany them to appointments, or help their Coaches and Therapists.
Encourage professional help: Gently suggest seeking help from a Life Coach, a therapist with a Psychologist, or, in severe cases, medication from a Psychiatrist. Be prepared to address potential concerns about stigma or “what will people say.” Emphasize that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Offer to assist in finding a partner who understands the cultural nuances and speaks their language. Explain the advantages of such engagements and how they can empower them to regain control of their life. Some encouraging phrases could include, “Taking the initial step towards wellness is a powerful decision.”, “Prioritizing your health is your utmost responsibility, and it’s perfectly acceptable to prioritize yourself.”, “You deserve support and understanding during challenging times.”, “Seeking help is a positive investment in your future.”
Stay connected (respecting their space): Maintain regular contact, but be mindful of their need for space. A simple phone call, text message, or even a visit (if appropriate) can make a difference. Respect their boundaries and avoid pushing them to socialize if they're not comfortable. Here are some phrases you can use: "I'm here if you need anything, just let me know.", "I want you to know that I'm thinking of you, but please take all the time you need.", "I completely understand if you need some time alone; just remember I'm here when you're ready.", "If you feel like talking or need someone to listen, I'm just a call or message away.", "No pressure at all, but I'd love to catch up whenever you feel up to it.", "I respect your space, and I'm here whenever you're ready to connect."
Be patient: Recovery takes time. Be patient and celebrate small victories. Remind them of their strengths and resilience. Be prepared for setbacks and offer unwavering support.
Take care of yourself: Supporting someone with such challenges can be emotionally taxing. Lean on your own support network – friends, family, or even a support group. Don't hesitate to seek professional help for yourself if needed. Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup.
Don'ts:
Don't dismiss their feelings: Avoid statements like "It's all in your head," "You're just overthinking," or "Other people have it worse." These dismissive remarks can invalidate their experience and make them feel more isolated. Avoid culturally insensitive comments that might minimize their struggles. Additional examples of invalidating statements include phrases like "Just cheer up," which oversimplifies their feelings and ignores the complexity of their emotions. Saying "Snap out of it" can pressure them to hide their true feelings. Telling someone "You're too sensitive" can make them feel ashamed of their emotions. Another example is "Everything happens for a reason," which can come off as dismissive of their current pain. Lastly, saying "You just need to try harder" implies a lack of effort on their part and can be very discouraging.
Don't offer unsolicited advice (especially about traditional remedies without professional consultation): Unless asked, refrain from giving advice or suggesting solutions, especially regarding traditional remedies without consulting a qualified coach or a mental health professional. Focus on listening and offering emotional support.
Don't pressure them to do things (especially social engagements): Avoid forcing them to socialize or participate in activities they're not comfortable with. This can increase their anxiety and worsen their symptoms. Respect their need for rest and quiet.
Don't compare their experiences to others (especially within the family): Every individual's journey is unique. Avoid comparing their struggles to others, even within the family. This can create feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
Don't judge or criticize (especially about seeking professional help): Refrain from judging their emotions or behaviors. Offer compassion and understanding. Avoid criticizing their decision to seek professional help, even if it goes against traditional beliefs.
Don't give up on them (even if they resist help): Recovery can be a long process with setbacks. Don't get discouraged or give up on your loved one. Continue to offer support and encouragement, even if they initially resist help.
Remember:
Cultural sensitivity is key when supporting someone with mental health challenges, especially in India.
Friends & Family play a vital role, and their understanding and support are crucial.
Encourage professional help and address potential concerns about stigma.
Take care of yourself and seek support when needed.
